A few weeks ago my family moved to Jerusalem. My husband Gil is starting his own small business and I chose to move the family here instead of giving him over to the business for the initial first year of craziness. His office is in the next building and he can often pop home for a snack or to help me put the kids to bed. It is a blessing. And it is hard. Our previous community was warm and inviting, a place where people come to stay and raise their kids. We loved our block, I had my best girlfriends living within earshot. Our Rabbi, whose presence I think we miss the most, was wary of us going and now I know why.
Jerusalem is the holiest place on planet earth for Jews so naturally it seems to be the best place to live. However it is challenging in so many ways that I have found myself in a true funk. It is a transient city where many come to visit but eventually leave. True friendships seem rare. Because it is considered so holy, many groups have taken on extra stringencies and the overall practice is more strict. It is beautiful and cold and so many things at once.
My husband is highly instrumental in the un-funking process as he refuses to wallow but allows me the space to do so- for approximately ten seconds and then promptly pushes me out the door. A walk in the sunlight or some bluegrass fiddle music. A warm cup of coffee or a 2 hour nap. Sometimes I just need a little help and then I’m back on track. To be honest, I never wanted this blog to sound rehearsed. Half the time I don’t even edit. Truthfully, being a mom and wife and religious Jew who happened to be born non-Jewish is hard and every night I struggle with the decision to sleep or spend any time for myself. Right now I am literally playing fetch with my one year old just so I can type these few paragraphs. I hope to Gd she doesn’t realize I’m stalling her.
Recently I have been crowd sourcing my life’s purpose. This sounds insane which is also quite normal for me. I participated in a class this winter that was meant to help me clarify the goals I want to accomplish. A life’s purpose is meant to bring you energy, the drive to overcome challenges, and a joy unparalleled. You are supposed to imagine the 5 times in your life where you felt incredible, full of life, HAPPY. What were you doing? Now I’m not clinically depressed (maybe a little sleep deprived) but I’m having a very hard time remembering anything.
If you know me, maybe you can help. Leave me a message in the comments with a memory of me as a happy and energetic person. What was I doing? Also, what do you think your life’s purpose is?