About Me

Back to School

I’m pretty sure every new mother goes through one of those moments when you feel like you are the worst parent in the world.

You’re in the shower, your one time to be alone, and your baby starts to cry. You don’t get out.

Walking through the doorway and your baby smacks his head on the doorjamb. Or he rolls off the bed, couch, chair, changing table, _____ insert your horrific story here.

As I mentioned earlier this week, I’m going back to school. Starting on Tuesday I will be gone for 5.5 hours in the morning, leaving AJ with a babysitting group. At 6 months old, he should be ready for some socialization. Mama gets boring. But what do you do when it comes to nap time? Or snack? I feel like I’ve left my baby ill-equipped to deal with the pressures of day care.

Let me rewind a bit. Gil and I practice attachment parenting. In short, we believe that a baby who grows up feeling secure will turn into a sensitive and empathetic child, teenager, and adult. I nurse or feed our baby when he is hungry, and stop when he is full. We wear him in a baby carrier or wrap so he benefits from physical contact and affection. And up until a few weeks ago, he happily slept in a co-sleeper attached to our bed, or right next to me. Whether or not this actually made a difference, I have a pretty chilled out baby.

Before I had a baby, I thought attachment parenting was wacko. I imagined 5 year old kids nursing, and a whole family sleeping together in bed. Although I consider myself a nurturing person, that didn’t seem up my alley. Then AJ was born and I realized that all I could do was what came naturally to me. What women have been doing for thousands of years- minus sleep methods, bottles and cribs. (I don’t even begin to judge anyone who takes a different path in raising their kids. Everyone does what works for them and I respect that.)

But now a new day is upon us. In T-minus 5 days my baby will get dropped off at daycare. I won’t be there to nurse him, or rock him to sleep. Most likely he’ll be expected to fall asleep on his own in a crib. I feel like the relationship we have built over the past 6 months is about to crumble to bits. Add on to that some teething problems, growth spurts, separation anxiety and a vehement opposition to the Ferber cry-it-out method. What’s an attached Mama and Baby to do?

2 thoughts on “Back to School

  1. Hi Katie, found you via Mother in Israel (I think?) and haven’t had a chance yet to comment on your sweet blog. I think I’ve bookmarked half your recipes!

    I wanted to tell you that I had a similar experience when I returned to my studies when my son was about 6 months old. I was terrified, especially on the attachment front. Luckily, I was at the point in my studies that I could make my own schedule, and so we started with two afternoons a week. And I was shocked at how okay it was. He was an absolutely delightful baby that I was madly in love with, but also a “high-needs” baby that I was home alone with 12 hours a day, and those afternoon hours really helped me get something in for myself and be more present with him. I think it worked because I promised myself that if it didn’t, if I felt like our attachment was suffering, I would simply stop. That sense of knowing my priorities and giving myself permission to change things gave me peace and I could see that the arrangement was working for us. (Of course, it is something that I am always re-evaluating and thinking about.) I hope it goes well for both of you! I think you’ll be surprised at how okay it can be. And if not…then you can make changes.

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